Confession #4 High School

In high school, no matter how accepting you think your school is, there is always a set of unspoken social rules. Once in awhile, we all break some. High school is just an embarrassing time, shit happens. Whatever the case we all know something sort of like this happens around us everyday. This may seem like it's going no where, but over my few years of high school I've observed and experienced a few things I'd like to share. These are my high school experiences so far.

1. PDA in the hallways really should be avoided, because your first high school make-out partner could later become your neighbor.

You read it here first, my first hallway make-out partner is now my next door neighbor. Talk about awkward. Here's the back story. Freshman year was a big year for me. My acne started clearing up, my teeth were getting straightened and fitting in my mouth better than ever, and I finally learned how to do my hair and make-up. Compared to junior high me I felt a million times prettier. So it was not long before I started to attract the attention of boys. One boy in particular, whom my friend had introduced me to. Honestly I was just scared of her so I just did whatever she said.... anyways we were talking in the hallway a few days after we met and he asks me if would like some gum. I said I would and he leans down and starts making out with me transferring his gum into my mouth. WORST THING EVER. (I am a HUGE germophobe) I didn't stop it though because I did enjoy the attention. From then on every time we were in the hallway together that's what happened. Never even got into trouble for it. after that year things got weird and well I found him quite unattractive. This is one of my biggest high school regrets. I apologize to anyone who had to see that. Now he's my neighbor and I shut my garage before I even get out of my car to avoid him. I'm just to anxious to deal with any of it.

2. How high school friendships evolve.

When you first get to high school, you will usually do anything to make friends. At least I did. Earlier in my post I talked about the girl I was scared of. Yeah, I was scared of her, but I also thought she was cool. We liked marijuana, partying, and we were stuck together in biology. So we had to like each other. Now she wasn't exactly considered a "good" kid. The first time I met her she showed me her house arrest anklet. She once asked to borrow my planner. I went without a planner for a month because I was afraid to ask for it back. Once in class we were both chewing gum, she said, "what's that flavor taste like? let's trade." I didn't argue. I almost puked, but I didn't argue. So far, the only person at my school that I was close to, I had also swapped spit with via 5 gum. Point is, eventually I wasn't scared of her. She still is a pretty good friend of mine, but that doesn't happen for everyone. After freshman year you have categories for people. Here were mine:

Church Friends

Junior High Friends

School Friends

(Then all of their friends I was forced to hang out with but may not have liked)

That friend everyone HAS to put up with, but no one knows why.

Kids you had classes with

Kids you maybe had to sit with at lunch

Kids you talk to in class but ignore in the hallways

and so on....

Its like every year, you have classes with some of the same people. However close you were to them by the end of the previous year is suddenly irrelevant returning next fall. It's like a brand new start. Everyone has people like this in their classes don't even lie. (I see you) 

And by the end of high school you figure out your true friendships and some wort of bullshit like that all to go away to a college somewhere and drink so much you forget about them till your high school reunion. Unless you go to KU which is basically like going to a high school for a college. I guess besides the academics....but a LOT of the same people.

(or so i've heard)

3. Drugs and Partying

You're just in denial if you don't think your kid won't try it. The best and worst of 'em do.

4. be yourself 
Honestly any of my friends will tell you. I am who I am. One of my very good friend always comments on how she thinks I "don't give a rat's ass" I mean usually I don't but I can. People in high school are just SO not worth your worry. I promise, because I have realized this and I'm not even out of high school yet. Honestly you shouldn't care what anyone at all thinks, because how can a simple human judge another. We all doo it anyway and we all care way too much about what a certain someone may or may not think. Honestly though be obnoxious, wear heels to school, put on that red lipstick, say what's on your mind, talk back every once in awhile, do things you're scared of, because honestly all my best memories started out with "maybe this isn't such a good idea".

High school has held some of the best and worst times for me. I've learned some lessons, lost and made new friends, made great memories, and I am okay with saying I've been completely myself the whole time.

Life moves quick.

#EmbraceIt

Confession #3 Somebody Has to Say It

Here's the part of my day where I list a string of thoughts that have run through mind in a day.

I've only seen two people ever successfully pull off a sock bun. This is a hairDOn't.

Farting feels really nice.

Bananas will make me dance. All these people poppin' fruit and I'm peelin' bananas.

Why didn't I wear leggings today?

She kind of resembles a stereo-typical lesbian...

Why chemistry?

I would date the shit out of you....

Let's hug. I like hugging you.

Please stop talking so close to my face.

I wonder if you wonder if I wonder about you..?

Kid Cudi is overrated.

The dirtier the rap, the better.

Generalizations confession #2

I am one to make a lot of generalizations. In the end this causes me to contradict myself a lot. I partially blame this on my ADHD because I get so distracted I forget how I felt in a moment when I made a statement to how I feel in the same situations later on. Like girls that "fake bake" you can find me criticizing them sometimes. Maybe I'm jealous. I don't know. One day I may say something like they should just be happy with their skin color and how tan skin isn't worth skin cancer or stained clothing (spray tanners) but people really have no idea how close I get sometimes to jumping in my car and driving to the nearest local tanning salon and lying in a UV ray baking bed for an hour. However, that would burn my pale Irish skin to a crisp. I am not a ginger but I do have the skin of one. Anyways point is I have a habit of generalizing my feelings and opinions. Here are some of my biggest that I think you all may be able to relate to. Keep in mind these are more directed towards girls or gay men.

"Guys are just all so stupid"
Except that one in my math class who always gives me a few answers here and there.
Also there's always that one guy friend who knows just what to say.
Lets not forget Einstein, Isaac Newton, or F Scott Fitzgerald.

"I'm starving!"
I really probably just ate a few hours ago. If not a few times in the past 24 hours.
Honestly I'm probably just bored. Maybe I'll cook something.
Smell the food cooking.
Find out it's just a chocolate craving.
Eat the chocolate plus what you made.
Cry about not having abs.
Start period a day later.

"I have NOTHING to wear"
Well actually I'm wearing something right now.
Why don't these jeans fit me today?
Where the hell are the shoes that go with this outfit??
I'm assuming I can't wear anything strapless in January.
I wore leggings yesterday, and the day before, and the day before...
I guess I NEED to go shopping??

"Love is overrated"
*sees cute guy*
Damn. He's cute.
I wonder where he'll take me on our first date.
We would make cute kids.
We'll have two. Yep. Two.
They'll be tall.
Shit what did I wear to our wedding?
We can NOT retire in Florida.
Shit. I just planned my life with a stranger.
He didn't give me his number.

Love sucks.

#sorryboutit

Confession #1

One thing a lot of people don't know about me is that I write poetry. I write a lot. When most people think I'm texting or screwing around on Facebook (even though I do that a looot sorry bout it) I'm actually probably writing an idea down in my notes. If you ever wonder why I'm so protective of my phone. It's either because of that or the fact that my lock screen pic is of Adam Levine naked on a motorcycle. It's not like you can really see anything anyway because of how cracked my screen is. (I digress, that's a story for another time) (I also really enjoy parentheses #underappreciated) Back to poetry. Yeah that's me. I know I don't look like that kind of kid, but I swear everyone has some sort of freaky hidden talent, or just hobby. (not sure if talent or hobby for me) It's honestly more of a security blanket. In my life I've been to many a therapy session and blah blah but what has helped the most is writing, and trying not to let people "get my goat" (look it up) Anyways, I would like to share one of my poems here with you all. Feel special, because only few people I know have actually read any of my recent work. besides the two I posted for my dearest grandpa on Facebook. ***Always make your grandparents happy.*** That's also a confession for another time. WELL. Without further ado;
Aphrodite
The almighty.
You have proven, 
Love isn't flighty.
Sweet goddess,
your beauty isn't fleeting.
Even when,
You are weeping
What a gift,
Your enchanting nature
You indeed,
Are lust's creator.
When you sleep,
Do you dream?
Do you wish away your beauty?
That is so supreme?
Do you ever wonder,
What its like,
Being goddess
Of dark or light?
Your curse is true.
Yet, no one knows of
Or remembers,
The pain that comes,
With love.
I see 
Why you might
Wish to be
Goddess of air
Or of the trees.

Post #1 an Intro

Hello people of the internet. My name is Maddie. I would like to believe I'm NOT your everyday teenager, but who really knows. Writing has always come pretty easy to me, I've written songs nobody has heard, i write poems, and i write about my life. I've had blogs before, but never kept up with them. It just dawned on me after filling up three journals in the past year and a half that maybe I'm not your average kid. Maybe this is my talent. Telling people about my life, getting my angst out, while hopefully making you laugh. I will start out by saying YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE EVERYTHING YOU READ. I can promise you that. I may look like a sweet little cupcake, but there can be some poison on the inside. Just as there is with everyone else. I hope to come out of this a better person. So please for your entertainment, or at the least pity me enough, step into my life, and read my confessions good, bad, ugly, hilarious, or straight up depressing. everyday confessions. I promise I won't disappoint. Well, I'll try. I have always been the "drama queen" of my family.

#WelcomeToMyLife

(I love hashtags)